Step 1- Realize that its your night for dishes and attempt to persuade parents to make sandwiches that will be eaten on either paper plates or paper towels.
Step 2- If the sandwiches and paper products aren't used protest by refusing to eat the meal which will make more dishes for yourself.
Step 3- Seek pity by having a 30 minute crying session over the sink. (You must produce actual tears and bonus points are awarded for screaming tantrums throughout the process.)
Step 4- Lets make a deal. If you are lucky enough to still have money from your allowance, then offer to pay your sibling a sum of cash in exchange for your freedom that night. (Please note that this tip can only be used if you do not spend your entire allowance on bubble gum and mint ice cream... this is a serious concern in our family.)
Step 5- Beg for others help. If they refuse continue following them around and yelling, "Please! Please! Please!" in their ears until they threaten to get Mom and Dad.
Step 6- Casually mention that you'll be taking a shower during the next twenty minutes, and that dish miracles are always accepted and appreciated :) (Such miracles do occur during the Christmas season, but mysteriously disappear throughout the rest of the year.)
Step 7- Return from your 20 minute shower only to notice that the dishes are still in the same place you left them. By this time, the rest of the family is either down stairs watching TV or in their rooms, which means that they won't be able to hear your heart wrenching sobs. Fortunately, there is an alternative way to capture their attention. Simply, drop the dishes into the sink or bang them together!!! (both ideas are equally loud and obnoxious)
Step 8- If none of the previous steps have gained you help, then this is the time to submit to your horrible fate and begin washing the dishes. I suggest silently sobbing while you complete your torturous task, so that after your done, you may walk by your siblings and parents with bright red eyes and make them feel sufficiently guilty.
We realize that this is a vigorous list of steps and wish to warn everyone that this is not for the faint of heart! However, if you follow this pattern every time it's your night for dishes, you will definitely reach the Wallace Family Standard (WFS). Good luck with your future dishwashing endeavors!!! :)
Approximate time needed to complete- 3 hours
Sincerely,
Taysom and Tucker Wallace
One last tip- Come up with a creative idea for a blog post and your mom may offer to do your dishes in exchange for your blog post. If this occurs, take her up on the offer! It's way better!!!!
7 comments:
Awesome post! Unfortunately as Mom I don't think this will work....well, maybe it would with Chris, hmmm. I'll be interested to see if this is also the LFS when my kids get to dish washing age... I love you guys!!!
Adrienne
Fabulous! Who accually wrote this entry?
I so remember when Michael had his turn at dishes. It was pure torture on him and me.
I remember when I was a child and had a huge load to clean up. I cried big time.
Do you think Jesus every had to do dishes?
Adrienne- Haha, ya, its not the best system for parents, but kids Ilah and Henry's age (cough cough) seem to adapt to it pretty quickly :) I hope your kids don't torture you like this, but if they do, atleast you'll get an entertaining blog post!
Grandma- Well, I (Taysom) officially wrote it out, but originally these steps were just me and Tucker teasing Ilah and Henry at the dinner table. So it was both of us. Haha, I guess it runs in the family :) And dishes can be discouraging for sure!
As to your last questioin, Tucker said, "Yes, because Jesus had to every trial known to man, and dishes is the most torturous one." :) However, Henry and I say yes, because He was the oldest child in his family,so He probably had to help out with all the chores at one point.
I love you both!!!
Taysom/Tucker/Henry
I'm glad your mom made you a deal that both got you out of dishes and gave us a new post!Here's another tip, you could just place all the dishes in the sink and fill it up with water. You simply say, "I'm just going to let these soak for a little while before I wash them" and then walk away. My roommates used this tactic with me because they knew I would eventually get sick enough of the mess and do it myself! Ugh!
One of the best posts EVER!!
As a child the only way I could get through my turn (there were 8 children in our family and lots of dishes every night) was to PLAY. I pretended the silverware was people and the pots and pans were swimming pools; I made snowmen, and clouds and flowers out of bubbles; and when the last dish was finally done I proudly showed off my very wrinkly "granny fingers" (never thinking that one day they would become a permanent fixture). Now I try to beat the clock and enjoy the empty sink!
By the way, whose sink was that? Not yours I know!
The Wallace Way of Doing Dishes needs to by implemented in the Crosby home because I LOVE IT! Very good tips, and excellent writing. By the way, the eight tips you mentioned are used by husbands as well as children too!
Rachel- That would be a good one to add to the list! I hope my roomates don't do that. It would drive me nuts! I don't know how you dealt with that.
Grandma- That's really creative! Geez, 8 people would certainly make a ton of dishes! I do not envy your dishwashing childhood at all :) Haha, granny fingers are fun to show off, but I'm hoping I don't have them as a permanent fixture for a while :) No, we just got the picture off of google.
Natalie- Thanks! It has become an entertaining tradition to say the least :) and I loved your husband point, I burst out laughing when I read it!
Love you guys,
Taysom
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