Step 1- Realize that its your night for dishes and attempt to persuade parents to make sandwiches that will be eaten on either paper plates or paper towels.
Step 2- If the sandwiches and paper products aren't used protest by refusing to eat the meal which will make more dishes for yourself.
Step 3- Seek pity by having a 30 minute crying session over the sink. (You must produce actual tears and bonus points are awarded for screaming tantrums throughout the process.)
Step 4- Lets make a deal. If you are lucky enough to still have money from your allowance, then offer to pay your sibling a sum of cash in exchange for your freedom that night. (Please note that this tip can only be used if you do not spend your entire allowance on bubble gum and mint ice cream... this is a serious concern in our family.)
Step 5- Beg for others help. If they refuse continue following them around and yelling, "Please! Please! Please!" in their ears until they threaten to get Mom and Dad.
Step 6- Casually mention that you'll be taking a shower during the next twenty minutes, and that dish miracles are always accepted and appreciated :) (Such miracles do occur during the Christmas season, but mysteriously disappear throughout the rest of the year.)
Step 7- Return from your 20 minute shower only to notice that the dishes are still in the same place you left them. By this time, the rest of the family is either down stairs watching TV or in their rooms, which means that they won't be able to hear your heart wrenching sobs. Fortunately, there is an alternative way to capture their attention. Simply, drop the dishes into the sink or bang them together!!! (both ideas are equally loud and obnoxious)
Step 8- If none of the previous steps have gained you help, then this is the time to submit to your horrible fate and begin washing the dishes. I suggest silently sobbing while you complete your torturous task, so that after your done, you may walk by your siblings and parents with bright red eyes and make them feel sufficiently guilty.
We realize that this is a vigorous list of steps and wish to warn everyone that this is not for the faint of heart! However, if you follow this pattern every time it's your night for dishes, you will definitely reach the Wallace Family Standard (WFS). Good luck with your future dishwashing endeavors!!! :)
Approximate time needed to complete- 3 hours
Sincerely,
Taysom and Tucker Wallace
One last tip- Come up with a creative idea for a blog post and your mom may offer to do your dishes in exchange for your blog post. If this occurs, take her up on the offer! It's way better!!!!
